


The Not-So-Fast and the Furious

by minnabird



Series: Fear and Loathing [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Florida, Gen, Halloween, Humor, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:15:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2462864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnabird/pseuds/minnabird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Halloween, and the mismatched team of Scabior and Greyback are at it again. A simple visit to a Halloween party to scrounge free food turns into a chase across Orlando. Why does Scabior stay with Greyback again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Not-So-Fast and the Furious

I hadn’t been this entertained since before You-Know-Who copped it.

A woman in what looked like a pound of white makeup and fake blood had cornered Greyback by the punch bowl. Greyback, for his part, leaned back against the wall, as far from her as he could manage, lips curled back over his pointed teeth. I edged closer, wondering what she was talking to him about.

“…Must tell me where you get your prosthetics. Not that I could pull them off nearly as well as you.” She ran a finger down his chest, smiling up at him. I hurried away, feeling sick to my stomach. On second thought, I didn’t want to hear anymore. Imagine anyone finding  _that_  attractive.

My eyes landed on the refreshment table. Now, that was more like it. Too bad that little scene had spoiled my appetite. Still, couldn’t hurt to take some for the road…

You might be wondering how we ended up at a Muggle Halloween party. It’s simple: free food. We clean up some, Greyback puts on a torn shirt, I get out my old robes, and  _voila_ : for once, we blend in. If magic runs loose on Halloween, it’s only because the Muggles make it so easy.

Greyback hadn’t been too happy about the plan, mind. And I had a feeling he wasn’t going to stay quiet for -

There it was. I sighed and stuffed a napkin full of food into my pocket, then went to break it up before Greyback savaged anyone.

 

* * *

This wasn’t the first time I’d been on the run. It wasn’t even the first time I’d been on the run from Greyback. Sticking with a half-feral wolfman kept me in better shape than being a Snatcher ever had. My breath was screaming in my lungs, though, and we’d come out of the winding streets of the residential neighborhood to a wide, straight road. Nowhere to hide.

At the same moment that Greyback finally grabbed the back of my robes, I closed my eyes, thought of a place, and did a sort of pirouette.

I crashed to the ground on top of Greyback, his knee digging into my back. He groaned. Good. I hoped he’d Splinched himself. Something creaked, and I looked around for the source of the noise. The blades of a small red windmill turned slowly in the warm breeze. I closed my eyes. Why, of all places, when facing possible death, had I thought of a mini-golf course? This was what my life had become.

“Get off me,” Greyback growled. I started to struggle up, and he wheezed. Oops. That was his stomach. When I finally got up, I put several feet of distance between me and Greyback. Usually Apparition broke the rampage, but I didn’t want to risk being too close to those claws of his, just in case.

Greyback stood as well, looking very much like a man who was about to tear my face off. I gulped. “Why did you stop me?” he demanded.

“Because  _you_  losing your temper in the middle of a party means a great big mess for the Muggle police to clean up. And investigate. Not very inconspicuous.” I crossed my arms, hoping that made me look a little more authoritative.

“I’m done being inconspicuous!” he shouted, his voice so loud I swore it echoed off all the cheery statuary.

“You’re making a good start,” I said. “Yell a little louder. Would you like me to get in touch with the American Ministry for you, save you all the trouble?”

In retrospect, that was not my brightest idea. Half an hour later, I was once more out of breath, but this time I was alone, halfway across the city, on another mini-golf course.

I don’t know why they need so many of them.

And now I had lost Greyback, which was just…peachy. He might try turning me in, just to get the jump on me after my threat. More likely, he was about to go on a homicidal rampage, which - while seasonal - would be disastrous for the whole keeping-our-heads-down thing we had going. Much as I’d like to leave him to his fate, he was the only one who knew where I was. Also, he was probably the main reason I’d survived as long as I had. I owed it to him to save him from himself.

At least I had one thing going for me: the idiot couldn’t Apparate on his own.

 

* * *

Following the sound of screams, it turned out, was not a guarantee of finding Greyback, even out of hearing range from the theme parks. Not on Halloween night, anyway. I burst into four haunted houses before I realized that it wasn’t working.

The problem was, I didn’t know what else to do, besides wandering the neighborhood where I’d lost him, keeping my eyes and ears peeled.

“Here, boy. Heeere, doggy, doggy,” I called as I walked down a busy street, and added a whistle for good measure. If there was anything likely to flush him out of hiding, it was anger. And hey, why not go the crudest route possible? I was having no luck with that, either. I was about to give up and go find somewhere to watch the news on the television for some hint of him when I heard a screech and a crash. I was going to ignore it - Muggle transport was always dangerous - until I heard a woman’s scream and an extremely familiar growl.

By the time I got there, Greyback had the woman on the ground. Long scratches on her side bled freely. She wasn’t the only one who was bleeding, though. A dark stain was spreading on Greyback’s upper thigh, and his right leg was twisted oddly. I didn’t look too closely. I just launched myself at him, throwing my strength against that leg. He screamed - a real, blood-curdling scream, the kind of sound I had only heard him make when transforming. He toppled sideways, and I grabbed him under the arms. I looked around, wondering where I could take him. I wouldn’t get far trying to carry him, and I still didn’t have a wand. My eyes landed on the car.

Heaving him into the backseat wasn’t easy, but I managed it. The next part was the really hard part.

I climbed into the driver’s seat, trying to remember what I’d seen the cab driver do, the one time we had threatened one into giving us a ride. I had never wanted to see the inside of a car again, but what could I do? This was an emergency. Okay. There was something to do with the pedals. I fumbled around with my foot and found one. The car made a growling sound when I pressed it down, but it didn’t move.

I opened the door and looked down at the woman bleeding on the side of the road. “Hey, you. How do you make this thing go?” She looked at me, but didn’t answer, starting to scramble to her feet with her hand pressed to her side. “Listen, I’m a wizard, and he’s a werewolf. You ever seen a real person with claws like those? If you don’t tell me how to make this thing go, I’ll let him out to finish what he started.” Sure enough, behind me, Greyback was sitting up.

She stopped, staring, eyes comically wide. “You put it in drive.”

“And how do you do that?” I prodded, impatient. I had just broken the Statute of Secrecy, and Greyback had hurt someone. We were in a boatload of trouble, and he was hurt besides. We needed to get out of here.

“That…the stick? Beside the seat? Put your foot on the brake - the left pedal - and move it till it’s on ‘D.’”

I looked down, trying to see what she meant. There was indeed a “D” next to the stick. A blur of white and red moved in the corner of my eye: the woman was running. Nevermind that. I had instructions. I put my foot on the left pedal, moved the stick to D, then tried the other pedal. The car jumped forward with a sound like a dragon’s digestion. We were off.

 

* * *

There was terror, bloodshed and a whole lot of yelling from Greyback before we got out of Orlando. But hey, we made it, and Greyback’s on the mend. It turns out he never trusted Healers anyway and would rather do his own doctoring. Well, that’s his lookout, not mine.

You want to know why I stick with him? I don’t know what to tell you, except that if you stay with someone long enough, you start to get used to them. There’s no honor among thieves, but we owe each other our lives so many times over and have so many of the same secrets that we’re both safest together, where we can keep our eyes on each other.

Greyback’s the brawn. And me? Well, I’m starting to think I’m the brains. And that, my friend, is the scariest part of this whole arrangement.

**Author's Note:**

> Title is courtesy my friend Lea, though I rearranged it a little. Also, I know there's new canon on Pottermore stating the American Ministry equivalent is MACUSA, but I figured it would be confusing to just throw that into the fic, so let's pretend Scabior doesn't know that. Also, yay! I've been wanting to do a follow-up to Fear and Loathing for ages. Hope you liked it!


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